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"I love you but I'm not IN LOVE with you." An analysis and a solution. How to change your marriage even when your spouse doesn't want to. How to get your spouse to change. How to forgive and be forgiven. How do you know when to quit? Analysis Paralysis: How to unstuck your marriage How to end a separation. How to stop a divorce. How to end an affair and reconnect at home. How to heal your spouse's hurt and get them to give you another chance. How to talk so your spouse listens and listen so your spouse talks. How to get over your past (and past your hurt) How to protect your children from your marriage problems How to know if your marriage will survive. How to increase your marriage IQ. How to get your spouse to STOP. How to restore honor and dignity to your relationship How to heal old wounds in your marriage How to say "I'm sorry."

IF I HAD MY LIFE TO LIVE OVER - by Erma Bombeck

(Written after she found out she was dying from cancer). I would have gone to bed when I was sick instead of pretending the earth would go into a holding pattern if I weren't there for the day. I would have burned the pink candle sculpted like a rose before it melted in storage. I would have talked less and listened more. I would have invited friends over to dinner even if the carpet was stained, or the sofa faded I would have eaten the popcorn in the 'good' living room and worried much less about the dirt when someone wanted to light a fire in the fireplace. I would have taken the time to listen to my grandfather ramble about his youth. I would have shared more of the responsibility carried by my husband. I would never have insisted the car windows be rolled up on a summer day because my hair had just been teased and sprayed. I would have sat on the lawn! With my grass stains. I would have cried and laughed less while watching television and more while watching life. I would never have bought anything just because it was practical, wouldn't show soil, or was guaranteed to last a lifetime. Instead of wishing away nine months of pregnancy, I'd have cherished every moment and realized that the wonderment growing inside me was the only chance in life to assist God in a miracle. When my kids kissed me impetuously, I would never have said, 'Later. Now go get washed up for dinner.' There would have been more 'I love you's; more 'I'm sorry's.' But mostly, given another shot at life, I would seize every minute...look at it and really see it. Live it and never give it back. STOP SWEATING THE SMALL STUFF!!! Don't worry about who doesn't like you, who has more, or who's doing what. Instead; let's cherish the relationships we have with those who do love us.

The 5 She-Mail Challenge

Take a few minutes to send an encouraging e-mail to 5 women in your life. Tell them some of the qualities that you admire about them. Encourage them to e-mail 5 of their friends. This is a great way to pump up every one's esteem and feel good. Mail it forward!

LOVE YOUR BODY

Here is a great website called Eves Rib that sells body image themed clothing. Check it out. By the way - Part of the proceeds goes to the National Eating Disorders Association.

I Hate Wearing a Bathing Suit!

Have you noticed? Summer apparel is hitting the department stores, ALREADY! Which means bathing suit season. I hate wearing a bathing suit. Having had three children has done a lot to contribute to this fear, but I have always hated being so revealing in front of others. Heck, forget about others, I hate wearing one in the privacy of my home! A lot of my fears have to do with body image. We all have things about our bodies that we would change if given a trio of wishes by a magical genie. We are always worried about what other people are thinking about us and our appearance. Newsflash! . . . they aren't thinking about you, they're too busy being conscious about themselves!!! Now there are the rare few that are proud of their bodies and exude a confidence that I wish I could have. Do you know someone like this? What is it about them that they are comfortable in their own skin? Are they perfect? No. They might not be proud, but content. Contentment is a rare characteristic, but it is one we should all strive to have. Contentment means, accepting what is and being okay with it. Not that everything is peachy and fairy tales. It is impossible for that to happen. Don't look to the movies or magazines to compare your beauty, look in the mirror and say, "Hey, I have this flaw or that, but it's what makes me unique and I'm okay with that". A flaw is objective anyway, what I might consider to be a flaw others may consider to be an attribute. I may always hate wearing a bathing suit, but my goal is to do it anyway and accept my unique form. Focus on the positive. Surely there are 3 things about yourself that you like. Come on, you can come up with at least 3, right?! As a side note, as I sit here typing this a news report just came on TV talking about how to get your body "beach ready" for bathing suit season! HA! Go to http://www.blogher.com/node/35474 to write a "Letter to My Body". This is an awesome way to think about your body image.

No, Mommy Rehab isn't about Britney Spears!

Although it sounds like it should be. Britney has lots of issues, poor girl, but we all know about that. However, there are a lot of women out there who may be experiencing some of the same issues as Britney. Custody, divorce, mental illness, overspending to feel better about yourself, mixing prescription medications, loving your kids but being unable to care for them. Ms. Spears is unable to take care of her of her children because she is unable to take care of herself. In turn, she needs to work on herself, but she can't do it alone. She will need the help of professionals, support from those who care about her and perhaps the paparazzi could tone it down a bit she might be able to recover. Actually, I don't think they want her to get better, but I digress. It's easy for us to sit back and judge her because her every action is basically documented across the globe. By the way, if I see one more show where Brit is going into a convenience store buying a sandwich and ding dongs I will have to ban my TV viewing altogether. She is a product of her environment. If you think about the life she's led up to this point you would be more surprised if she didn't have problems. Maybe you are a victim of circumstances. Maybe you're too ashamed to tell anyone about what you are going through. I understand that, but please take care of yourself. Reach out to someone to help. I know when I was going through my divorce, I didn't want to talk about it with anyone, especially my family members. I had always been a private person and didn't talk about my personal life with people. I reached out to a coworker who became a great support to me, like my own cheerleader. She really got me through it. Your issues don't make you who you are, they don't define you, but don't let them keep you from being a good mother, wife, friend and overall great woman.

Admit It, You Do This Too!!!

As I was standing at the kitchen sink this morning, doing my routine dishwashing I was daydreaming. See, we don't have a dishwasher in our kitchen - well, we do . . . I'm it. I dream about never having to wash another dish which in turn leads to the clean house we would have if it weren't for all of the kids making their messes. Then that leads into the money we would have if we didn't have all of the expenses we do. I know it sounds ungrateful, and it is, but it's not intended to be. The more I thought about it the more I realized that I should be thankful for every day I have to clean up after someone. How horrible and lonely it would be in our house. That's right, house. It wouldn't be a home if it was tidy and empty. I need to learn to love the chaos, because one day they will all be gone (and so will the money), but what a wild ride we are having. That is something you can't put a pricetag on.

Being a Mommy isn't all fun and games

Seriously. we all have to be the Mommy and sometimes that means giving our "everything". Everything can be a good thing, but it can also be a BAD thing. Don't give yourself so much that you lose yourself. I know that is a hard thing for women to do. We are not selfish creatures, but I'm telling you, if you don't take care of yourself and allow your individuality to come out then you are causing your family and you a huge disservice. Do you need a makeover? Look at yourself in the mirror and ask yourself, "what can I do to make myself feel better about myself?" I don't mean vanity, I mean how you feel on the inside. If you feel great on the inside, the outside will reveal that. Are you mentally okay? Do you suffer from depression since having your baby? Do you have issues from your past that you haven't dealt with, yet they still affect you today? Do you need to get fit? Not skinny, but healthy and energized. Are you a victim of abuse, of any kind. You have got to do whatever it takes to stop the abuse and there are all types. I don't claim to be a psychologist or therapist, but I do have a heart for women and I can be a supporter for you and find ways for you to get help in your area. Please email me at erinredbeach@yahoo.com if you need to vent or need any support that I may be able to give. If you want to start a forum here at Mommy Rehab about a certain subject, then by all means do. I'm not going to lie, I see a therapist once or twice a month. The reason I do if to deal with my past issues that I have brushed under the rug for years and I realized that they were impacting my present. I have harbored a lot of stuff in 35 years and I am not going to carry it with me for the next 35. Sometimes sharing your ugliest moments to someone who isn't biased and will not judge you is better than anything I can get in a bottle. I've been through a lot, and so have you, we all have! We are who we are because of our past experiences. Use that to your advantage. Don't live in the past, get help and you will be free from all of that garbage. You are unique and don't ever feel that you are insignificant. Don't discount your problems either. Basically, don't 'poo-poo' your issues. If you are affected by them, then they count, they matter because they belong to you. Use them to make you stronger, wiser and a better person. Don't let them drag you down. Don't let them into your marriage and other relationships. Move on sweetheart, move on! I will be here if you need ANYTHING! I'll come down from my soapbox now.

"I am the Worst Mother Ever!"

"I am the Worst Mother Ever!" I think every mom has thought that at one time or another. Truth is we all have regrets and wish we could go back and do things differently. Being a good mother isn't about being perfect. That's not realistic. The key to being a good mother is learning from your mistakes and doing things differently in the future. I have had to go to my children and admit that "I was wrong and I'm sorry". I was a single mom for a while and worked 2 jobs to make ends meet. I couldn't be the soccer mom that I thought my kids needed. Then I realized that the most important thing I could do is show them that I would do anything to take care of them and that I could be independent as a woman and mother. When I was 5 my parents divorced and my dad was out of the picture. My mom couldn't be the stay at home mom that all my friends had. Looking back now I know that #1 - she had no choice and #2 - I learned how to take care of myself and that helped me when I became a single mom. I still tucked my kids in every night and hugged them and told them I loved them. They never forgot that. Now I am remarried to a wonderful man and we have a son together. Our focus now is to mesh this family into a whole unit and still treat each child according to their individual needs. We both work full-time jobs and have hectic lives, but we wouldn't have it any other way. When our house is full of chaos and craziness we just sit back and soak it all in because we know that one day it will vanish. My oldest daughter will be entering middle school next year. When I think back to my middle school days I get nervous. She is a good girl and I know she has a great head on her shoulders. I just need to encourage her the way I wish I was encouraged and loved. She is beautiful and talented and smart. I can't take credit for that, but I am proud to be her mom. After all, she made me a mother. What a gift! I know that I am a much calmer and better parent now then I was 10 years ago, but you can't learn everything overnight. Now that I have a new baby it's amazing how I do things so differently.

We're All in This Together

Do you have a yearning to get out of the house and escape the whining, babbling and mysterious diapers but you are stuck at home? I have come across a couple of great websites for women like us. CafeMom.com is a forum for women from all walks of life to get together and share opportunities, suggestions and click with one another. Working moms, over 40 moms, tattooed moms, interracial families . . . you name it. Another site that I really enjoy is 5MinutesForMom.com. It has great info. and it just a plethora of mom articles.